Archive for July, 2007
One year later…
One year ago at 5 o’clock in the morning I was going to the airport with my luggage, my memories, my hopes, my illusions, and looking forward to see B and start a new life with him. I had left my parent’s house the day before, with tears in my eyes although I still had the hope that it will be fine and I’d have a better life in Barcelona. I arrived to Bucharest the night before at around 10 PM. I went out with the girls to have dinner in Piranha, where we laughed, we talked as we used to as if it was an usual night. Then I went to Cornelia’s house to sleep or something. We eventually chose the “something” so we didn’t sleep that night. We talked about work, about our friends, about how my life would be far away. 4 days before I had left Softwin thinking that I would get a better job in Spain. I remember the day I left, I use to see the pics now and then. Half of my colleagues were friends. I remember when we had to work on Christmas we spent the night there with champagne and “sarmale”, playing badminton and attending the clients in the meantime. But I left… with a smile on my face…
113, the taxi that I used to go to work with came to pick me up and left me at the airport. I came to hate airports because I had to travel so much in the previous months but still, that morning the feeling I had was the most peculiar feeling I ever had. I remember I was dying to get to Barcelona, to see B, to see our new house, to see Terrassa, but I knew that I had left my friends behind, that I didn’t know anyone but B in Barcelona and that it would be hard to make friends again in a country where romanians are not that well considered, and that my only family will be B. And I left…
Today I was talking to B:
- Today it’s the 4th of July, I told him.
- Oh, it’s been one year since you’re here.
- Yeah…
- Shall we celebrate or forget about it?
I still don’t know… Since I came here I cried more that I ever cried, I missed my country more than I thought I would, I was close to go back several times. It was definitely not what I expected, not what I dreamed, and it was hard to stay here and not to leave everything and go back to where I was considered a person.
First of all school… I have never seen so many posh people together. God I hate it… All defending Catalonia as a country and defending the Catalan language because of course it was so hard when they was punished for speaking Catalan. OH MY GOD! They are 18 years old, what do they know about that??? When they were born all this had ended and world was a peaceful and lovely place. Until they “grew up”, of course…
And then work… where you’re an immigrant and they don’t pay you what they should pay you and you cannot say anything. When you are willing to do anything for the company, when you spend extra hours in there, you would at least want for that to be seen and considered (not materially, but at least you would wait to see their respect). Where they treat you as you would depend on them… And you do… And you would like to run away, to say something but you can’t because there HE is, to talk shit about you just because you got pregnant without asking for his permission. And just because you don’t want to play his game, and talk shit about him you have to stand still and see how people look at you as if you were the worst person in the world. And you deserve more than that, you go home, you cry, you get back and look people in the eyes hoping that they will finally see who you are. But that moment never comes… I’d really like to feel person again…
So here goes the question again… “should we celebrate or forget about it?”
Work sucks, the university too, people here are strange, whenever I need a paper I have to queue for at least 4 hours, everytime someone asks me where I am from I see that look in their eyes… I hate that look…
But there are things that can still make me forget about this and have a close to normal life here… B who helped me most of the times to get over it and A who is growing inside my belly and who moves from time to time to tell me that he is there and I can count on him. My two reasons to stay here and the two persons that can still make me happy, my two reasons for living. This year, after all, brought what I thought I would never have: A.
B, thank you, for this and for being with me all this time… I finally, after one year, could take a photo of you smiling.
So… shall we celebrate or forget about this day, about this year and hope for better days? I decided to forget the bad things, and consider that this was an year with you, and year seeing you eveyday when I woke up, and year who brought us the little alien, a wonderful year after all. So… for that and for other unknown reasons, consider yourself invited to dinner. You pick the place!
This one goes for you: