Tangerine's PoV

It seems we always miss something, someone, some place, some… some… And we also regret something, something we said, something we didn’t say. I do, you do, I think everybody does. Sometimes you can solve it out, sometimes you cannot do it. Yesterday I testified a happy resolution, a very happy one in fact, and that made me think and made me remember lots of fortunate and unfortunate events. It made me remember the first days with B, we didn’t know each other, we didn’t know how to react in specific situations, but we managed to find the right way and now here we are. It made me remember my friends back in Romania: Cornelia, Sabina, Alina, the two Cris, Vali, all of them. I miss them so much. It made me remember that I was a bitch to some and I never tried to explain my behaviour, and I have this “nice” conscience that makes me remember it when I’m down, down, down… I remembered when I gave birth to Alex, the best thing I ever did. It made me remember when I was feeling a complete stranger in this country, now I feel I belong here, with my husband and my son. It made me remember lots of things, some that I wanted to remember and some that I didn’t…

I also found out that this “nice” conscience or something made me delete my old blogs. I never understood why, but thanks God, archive.org exists so I could save some posts which I published in Mandarinux with the original dates. Maybe the one that most impressed me, and made me want to travel to Romania NOW NOW NOW was this one:
Last Saturday at work… I miss you so much, guys, you are all very special persons to me.

Well, that would be all for today. I am very happy I FINALLY got to meet Estela, and that she brought back to me all these special memories.

Two years ago we created this little world of ours where we wanted to write some of our things. Bruno wrote the first post in Spanish and then we started to write in English so that my friends from Romania could understand our posts. Sometimes I used Mandarinux to communicate to my friends back home, and sometimes we just wrote impressions about what we saw, what we heard, what we read. Lately we did not post as often as before as we basically have no time for it, but we’ll find a way to solve this little issue.

All that being said, we have a present for Mandarinux, we bought it new clothes. I hope you like its new look. Enjoy.

Happy 2nd Anniversary! Here’s a song for you:

Alex is already 6 months old. I don’t know when all this time has passed, I still see myself back in Romania, going out with the girls with nothing to worry about. I feel like yesterday I was pregnant and I had that immense tummy, I think it was yesterday when I met Alex for the first time.

Finally I got the time to upload some photos on Flickr so that you can see the not so little baby. Here is the link: Alex. Enjoy!

Alex has a new favourite toy. It’s his first toy but he didn’t even look at it until now (he has it since he was 4 or 5 days old). Now it’s hard to separate him from the chicken. They are his first best friends!

This is not an English lesson. It’s just a life lesson, one that took me too much time to learn.

Sometimes I want to turn past into present and I finally get tired of trying and trying and not achieving it. I am perfectly aware of the fact that this is not possible, but I tend to live in the past, it’s just one of my methods to bring the past back into the present thinking that this would make me happier or something. It’s wrong. It took me time to understand, but it’s wrong. I now know that the sun in spring will never look like when I looked at it during the Romanian literature class in college, and my mother’s sarmale will not taste the same as when I lived with her. The reason is quite obvious: I’m not in the Romanian class in college or living in my mother’s house anymore.

The present is never enough, you have it so you don’t miss it, while the past is gone and sometimes you’d like to turn back the time and feel again what you felt in the past, live again those moment when you didn’t have to worry for the rent and other day-to-day responsibilities.

Living in another country made me miss more things that I ever thought I could miss, and this made me want to go back to Romania, but then I realize that if I’d go back I would probably miss living here much more than I now miss Romania. Present is now and here for me, past is gone and I keep all the good memories which come back to me from time to time with a smell, with a dream, with a call, and future… oh, future is brighter than Orange.

This is just a note to tell myself that present might be here, and I might not miss it but it’s much better than past so I wouldn’t change it for any of the good moments I have lived before.

Now it’s all said and done.






Just let it flor. 24/11/2007

We’ve finally decided where to spend our honeymoon. I actually didn’t know if we should go or not as I’m very afraid to leave Alex here, but I have to overcome my fear so I bought the tickets to make sure I won’t change my mind. We’re going to Hel… Helsinki. I know… everybody tells us… “but what will you do there? It’s freezing there”. It’s true, but we both wanted to go to Finland so if we have this opportunity we’ll make our dream come true. And after a cold day out we will get very close to each other at night in bed so what could be better for a honeymoon? I think we have chosen wisely .

And I’ve already chosen my wedding dress. I don’t wear a dress since I was 14 and my mother forced me to, but this one will be the best thing I’ve worn in my whole life. And definitely the most expensive thing.

As for Alex, he already learned to laugh. He’s so cute. Everytime he laugs we laugh with him. If I’m taking a walk with him and he suddenly starts to laugh I laugh too. Maybe people who see me doing this think I’m crazy. If so, they should have a son. These are the happiest moments of our days, when we see him laugh. Here you have a photo of him laughing.

WARNING: Don’t fall in love with him, he’s too young to taste the women’s cruelty.

Yes, Alex is one month and one week old. Time passes by and he is getting bigger and bigger. He now wieghs 5.730 grams. I wanted to post on his one month anniversary but when you have a baby plans don’t work out as you’d like. For his birthday he got a Pocoyo toy and he became a Barça member. We thought that when he’d be 15 years old he’d be proud to be a member since he was one month old. I hope he will not be a Madrid member because then we’d have a problem .

How is it to be a mother? I could say a lot about it but I will try to make it short and simple: hard but wonderful. You get no sleep: the first month we only slept two or three hours per day. He cried a lot and we had him in our arms without knowing what to do. You get desperate, you think you’re not a good mother, you cry, you want to get away but then you realize that he needs you so you spend the night with him in your arms, talking to him, trying to make him feel better. Now he sleeps more and we’re starting to forget those days, things are getting better and we are starting to enjoy this new stage of our lives. I hope it will stay this way and we will not get back to those sleepless nights and sleepless days as now we have lots of things to do.

Next month we’ll get married and we have to prepare everything. We don’t even know which restaurant to choose. I hope this week we finally decide and start to prepare everything else: invitations, rings, dress, suit, etc. Fortunately it will be an intimate ceremony so I hope it will not be very difficult to organize. We’d like to go somewhere at least 2 or 3 days after the wedding, a kind of honeymoon, but I don’t know if Alex will be fine those days without us. We’d like to go to Praga or Dublin, we still don’t know exactly which one to choose. If any of you has any recommendation please send it to us. Alina, I count on you for this one.

Well, nothing else for the moment. It’s dinner time for Alex so I should get going.

He is the best thing in the world.

Welcome Alex! We hope you will enjoy your stay in this world as much as you shit and cry!!