Tangerine's PoV

    There are things in life that money can’t buy.

Like this one: see this. I never used to see all my family in Romania; maybe every 3 or 4 years: for a wedding or a funeral. They all live in different cities and maybe different countries, so it’s quite hard to meet more often. This is why everytime I go out with Bruno’s family I remember mine and I miss it, but luckily I feel happy and comfortable enough with his so that I hold on a little bit longer until we go to Romania. It’s nice to see that they are the ones that are really sincerely happy for us because we will have a baby, and that they really see the baby in the scan.

It’s interesting to see the shadows in the picture; they talk about how a family is meant to be. They start apart from each other and they eventually come together: each one has his life but we all come together in specific moments. It’s good to see you have someone to care about and someone to count on come what may. And for this I’d like to thank them all for welcoming me and making me part of the family.

Meanwhile, the tummy is getting bigger and bigger and bigger.

A few months ago I went to work and B was surprisingly happy. We went to smoke and he told me that he finally made the big step: he asked C to marry him and… she said “Yes“. I remember him saying “I’m getting married, I’m getting married” and me being very happy for him.

But something was not right. Bruno asked me to marry him quite a few times before and I always thought he was just joking, I actually asked him to stop asking me that because it made me think he was fooling around. None of my friends got married before, just a few neighbours from my grandma’s village. I didn’t have it so close before, so in that moment I saw it possible. What did I do? Well, respond to all the questions that Bruno ever asked with another question: “Would you marry me?“. He said “Yes“, but he was quite concerned about my sudden decision to marry him after so many times he asked me to. He never got to know the real reasons that made me take that decision. I guess he will know it now.

After a few months V decided finally to ask A to marry him. I remember the day he told me about the Sunday with his in-laws: A’s mother crying, V got sooo scared until he finally found out that those were tears of happiness. They will get married this summer. If I don’t get to see you and congratulate you, please forgive me; it will surely be because of my tummy’s size.

Then A told me she was getting married with A(let’s call him A2 in order to make the difference). I knew A for two years or more, and then I knew A2. I remember we went together to see Star Wars 3. Laura fell asleep anyway (DON’T BLAME ME FOR FALLING ASLEEP WITH ICE AGE). I would never expected them to get married so soon, but I admin it made me happy to hear that. What does not make me very happy is the fact that I won’t be able to come to see you. Sorry guys, but next year we can organize the big wedding, a remember session of all the weddings with tons of alcohol.

Finally, C decided to marry M. That is also one thing I could expect, I was actually sure it would happen one day, but I wouldn’t expect it so soon. I’m very happy for you and I hope you will decide to have a baby soon. Let it be a girl please, my son has to marry someone trustable.

Cl surprised me the other day. He finally decided to stop the search and go live with the one that isn’t caught by his aggresive antispam filters. I see him really happy, and I would like this to last. So, “The riiiiing, the riiiing, the riiiing“, I try to whisper. “Hurray, hurray” they all sing. Congrats, or well… for you in Spanish right? Felicidadeeeeeeeeeeeees!!! La luna de miel en Barcelona, eh?

Congratulations to all of you and long live the marriage fever!!!

Can you look for me?

I’ve been blind so far but you can see

My milk white eyes don’t tell me where I go

but you’ll lead me with your warm soft hands

where stars shine in a black silk night blanket.

Can you hear for me?

I’ve been deaf so far, but you can hear

so I’ll follow you where the wind makes songs

playing with the tree’s blossoming leaves.

Don’t worry my dear: I can sing,

I’ll teach to birds our love song

so everyone shall know we are not alone.

Do you have 5 minutes?

Please take this survey: Do you low cost?

Thank you for your help!

Y lo demás es literatura…

Tonight we were watching TV and we saw an ad saying: “Reduce until you quit. With these chewing gum and your willpower you will reduce your smoking habits up to 50% in six weeks!!!”. OH MY FUCKING GOD! Six weeks, nice. I’ve been smoking a packet per day and today it’s my fourth day without a single drag. Do you think I need the chewing gum?

Nope, I have my water pipes, bwahahaha!

Anyway, let’s talk about something more important than this ridiculous ad. Yes, we quit smoking because we had it in mind long time ago, but there’s another reason for that:

SIM IS PREGNANT! YUP! For about seven weeks!

So… I personally found this a good reason to quit, even if you don’t have enough willpower to quit, you will quit anyways. It’s the first step in this kind of new responsability that is growing inside me, so I have to do my best now that I’m going to be father. I must be ready for the birth day and the days after… I don’t know how it will be, I don’t know anything about bringing up child either, I didn’t talk too much with my father about that (and I’m regretful about it). All I know is that I’m worried, scared, happy, glad, tense, excited… but it doesn’t matter, we quit smoking and we are going to be parents.

A new life is coming and it will be part of our lives forever …

Before I go to sleep I would like to say to smokers: you only will quit smoking if you really want to.

“… so I crossed it out of the list, Quit smoking, number 252…”

PS: Sorry about my english. Really.

From Alina´s blog. I liked it and wanted to post it also. In Bold- Italic the things I have done, still lots of things to do.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad – and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

That would be all. Who’s next?

Today I realized that as much as I tried I could not express my feelings sitting in front of this PC and hearing the sound of the keys being touched aggresively by my fingers. So I went out. I sit down on a bench which wasn’t here before. The ants tried desperately to enter the book I brought (Hard times, does it have anything to do?). This place is not as it used to be, nothing is the same. The river (I remember how we always waited for it to get frozen so that we could cross from one side to the other) was now covered with all sort of plants that wouldn’t let it flow. Maybe it does not have any new story to tell, maybe he just want to rest. I look at it with the same eyes that looked at it when I was 10. I remember how we always played hide-and-seek there and we used that place as hiding place, as a home, as a dream factory… I wonder, are there no kids here or are they all playing with the PC?

I see a man crossing the bridge. He is in a rush to get home. His hot food is waiting for him to arrive, just as it did years before, when there was no bridge here. Just a couple of pipes we were afraid to cross, but just because of that we crossed them at least once a day. I still have a scar on my knee. When I was 12 I fell from the pipes. My parents, together with other kids’ parents reported this to the town council so …. now we have a bridge. Well, what can I say? It’s not as funny as before. It turned to grey. No more “Let’s see how’s the first to arrive on the other side”, “Run, I’m right behind you”, no more laughs and no more tears when hearing “Come home! NOW! 3 days without TV”. We’re not here anymore.

Now the river just stands there and waits. Sometimes, when we come home it tries to uproot the plants and flow, just flow, but then it stops again, when the train we are in leaves… I guess it should hate the trains so much!
Then I went back, to my house. When I was going up the stairs I remembered that when we were 15 years old, we were 20 persons of similar ages in that block, and we were all friends. After we enjoyed burning the walls with candles, writing all kind of things on them we started to feel uncomfortable about it, we didn’t like seeing those walls all dirty everyday when coming home, so we decided to save some money to buy some paint and paint the walls ourselves. After a few months we decided to tell our parents, organize a meeting and ask for their permission. The boys painted the walls and we, the girls helped them.

I saw now that nobody painted that after our work 6 years ago. I wonder what the kids nowadays do. Only two of the girls that lived here before are still here, on holiday, of course. Most of them left to other countries or other cities looking for a better future. I wonder, are the kids that still leave here looking for a better future? And if so, where are they searching for it, I see green grass and no child enjoying it.

Visualize it HERE.

My hair is short!

FUCK THIS JOB.

Not at all, but I’m tired of stupid conversations with people that don’t give a fuck about what are you doing to solve their problems. Someone wants to hire me as his gardener?

This kind of days makes me think a lot more about her. I miss her, I really miss her. I never thought that I can miss someone like I missed her today. But now, I’m alone at home… I’m lucky because I have her photo on the bedside table and at least I have some photos around my HD. But still, I MISS YOU!